My Other Blog

Cusp of Normal* is the new home for the blog formerly known as My Other Life. Originally, I intended My Other Life to be a place to brainstorm and flesh out ideas for freelance articles to pitch to various publications. It turned into something very different than I had intended--so I have moved (most of) the content from My Other Life to the page you are reading now.

Unfortunately, the comments could not be salvaged. :(

I'll be using my old blog URL as a way to maintain an online portfolio of my published writing.

I think I'm going to like it here.

*A special thanks to Karen Hoffmann for inspiring the name of this blog. :P

Size-ism?

I am filling out a registration form for a volunteer activity that requires me to select a size for the obligatory free T-shirt. As my eyes scan the choices, I am getting a quick reminder of the obesity problem with which Americans are struggling.

MAY WE HAVE YOUR T-SHIRT SIZE?
__ LARGE (OR SMALLER)
__ X-TRA LARGE
__ XX-TRA LARGE
__ XXX-TRA LARGE

Let's see... if I had to pick... I would probably go for somewhere between extra-small to medium. This is not because I follow a strict diet, a regular workout regime, or even have a significantly fast metabolism. I don't know why I'm so petite, but I do know that I am sick of receiving free t-shirts that hang like muumuus on me. I would really rather receive nothing at all than be forced to wear something that makes me feel ridiculous and childlike.

Clearly, larger sizes are being very well accommodated. Now what about the rest of us?

Advice from Chuck Klosterman

Chuck Klosterman, author of Killing Yourself to Live; Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs; and Fargo Rock City; was in Pittsburgh last night for a signing of his latest book Chuck Klosterman IV. I really haven't laughed that much in a long time. They could have charged admission and it still would have been a packed house.

I had the opportunity to ask the question: If you are interviewing someone and find that he/she is really not that interesting, do you have any tricks to spice things up?

In his response he said everyone is interesting to some degree. If someone is boring, finds out what makes them boring. I thought this was brilliant.

As you would expect from Klosterman (pronounced with a long "O"), he made a lot of cultural observations. One that I found to be particularly funny/true is that it is getting increasingly harder to tell if someone is the "coolest person around" or the "dorkiest person around." It is indeed a fine line in this hipster-rich generation.

The reading that he selected from his new book explains why he thinks it is important for everyone to have a nemesis and an archenemy. He says, "We measure ourselves against our nemeses, and we long to destroy our archenemies. Nemeses and archenemies are the catalysts for everything."

In case you are confused about what the difference is between a nemesis and an archenemy, Klosterman explains:

"You kind of like your nemesis, despite the fact that you despise him. If your nemesis invited you out for cocktails, you would accept the offer. If he died, you would attend his funeral and—privately—you might shed a tear over his passing. But you would never have drinks with your archenemy, unless you were attempting to spike his gin with hemlock. If you were to perish, your archenemy would dance on your grave, and then he'd burn down your house and molest your children. You hate your archenemy so much that you try to keep your hatred secret, because you don't want your archenemy to have the satisfaction of being hated.

Klosterman suggests if you are still confused between the distinction, just ask your girlfriend to explain it in detail:

"...women have always intuitively grasped the nemesis/archenemy dichotomy. Every woman I've ever known has had at least one close friend whose only purpose in life is to criticize her actions, compete for the attention of men, and drive her insane; very often, this is a woman's best friend . Every woman also has a former friend (usually someone from high school with large breasts) whom she has loathed for years (and whom she will continue to loath with the intensity of a thousand suns, even if she sees her only once every ten years). This is her archenemy. Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and this makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average. Males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawn mowers, cats, the 1986 Denver Broncos, et cetera). Most men fail to see a world beyond themselves; if given the choice, they would connect themselves to nothing. But greatness cannot be achieved in a vacuum, and great people know that."

It's like he is inside my head! Granted, my nemesis is not a former best friend from high school, but he really does hit the nail on the head for a description of my personal archenemy. I'm not really comfortable commenting on the size of her bust, but "the intensity of a thousand suns" is probably a close estimation.
:)

P.S. Klosterman liked the dinosaur bones at Pittsburgh International Airport!

Shh! I don't want "scooped"...

Me and my friend K-dawg are cooking up quite a delicious marketing scheme. All I need now are some duck-shaped glass jars to buy wholesale. Where can I find those, anyhow?

Things I Really Want

Banana Guard: Specially designed to keep your 'nanners bruise-free. This is a huge scientific break-through! I am so tired of bringing bananas to work only to find them a mushy mess upon my arrival. Thank you Banana Guard! I especially like the glow-in-the-dark model, though it is unavailable at this time.
Get yourself a banana guard: $6.99 for a single, $12.99 for a 2-pack, and $29.99 for a five-pack.
www.bananaguard.com

Edge lovers unite! I know it might strike some of you as odd, but I always try to score an edge piece when eating home-made brownies. Now, every peice can be an edge piece. Go ahead, dance. You know you want to.
All the edges you can eat for $34.00.
www.bakersedge.com


I have been in a hotdog phase for a few months now. Who knows when it will end? I should stop running from my cravings and purchase this fantastic little guy. A pop up hotdog cooker! It cooks two individual hotdogs with a hot coil system, and simultaneously toasts your buns too! Radical.
$49.95 Dogs and buns sold separately.
www.hammacher.com


And now a place to sit while enjoying those nummers nanners, brownies, and dawgs... the Air Chair. I guess my fascination for "porch-sittery" began when I realized my new apartment has hooks on the porch just begging for something comfy to hang from them.
Now on sale for $59.98
www.hammocks.com



Finally... what I really want... Season 8 Gilmore Girls. Ah, a gal can wish, can't she?