(Fanny Pack) Model Citizen

On a recent trip to Target, I found myself face to face with a very tough decision. To buy a fanny pack or not to buy a fanny pack? "I neeeeeeeed this!" I proclaimed loudly to no one in particular. (Does anyone really need a fanny pack? Yes.) Andrew caught on to my shenanigans and swiftly launched his anti-fanny pack campaign. "You aren't a hipster," he said firmly. "But how good would this look at karaoke tonight? I could be like Starr!" "No one should want to be like Starr," Andrew continued his fanny pack hatin'. By this time the fanny pack was firmly secured to my waist and I was meandering through the store contemplating if I should purchase the $12.99 beauty. "I just can't see myself paying money for a fanny pack..." I said with palpable disappointment. [LIGHT BULB] "Wait, maybe I could just walk out of here with this thing around my waist and no one would be the wiser? I've never stolen anything in my life, but this might be a good time to start," I said only half-jokingly. It was then that some faceless vigilante must have overheard my evil plot, because not more than a minute later, an official Target security guard was hot on my trail. Realizing my brilliant plan was crumbling beneath my feet, I turned to the security guard and pointed to the fanny pack, still securely around my waist. "Should I buy this? I'm torn," I asked him--as though he had been my best friend since fourth grade. He raised his eyebrows and said with much authority, "You absolutely should not buy that." That gave me a laugh--and I unclasped it from my waist. I then whispered to Andrew, "Does that mean I should steal it?" Epilogue: I did not steal the fanny pack--damn me and my integrity. I did, however, just add said fanny pack to our Target wedding registry. Yesssssssssssssss. (Special thanks to my new bloggy bud Mel for inspiring this post.)