Thanks for nothing

Now more than ever, businesses should be trying to go out of their way for customers in order to bolster sales in this slumped economy. So what is up with this particular wedding vendor not willing to take an evening weekday appointment? They don't offer any weekend hours, and I work until 5:30 Monday through Friday. Though in a previous e-mail the saleswoman said they "take appointments from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m." she refuses to allow me schedule a 5 p.m. appointment. She answered my request for a 5 p.m. appointment by saying "We close at 5 p.m., so 4 p.m. is the latest appointment we can offer."

Look woman, I work for a living. I'm fine with scooting out a little early but you need to WORK WITH ME A LITTLE BIT. I'm not going to leave work two hours early to come pick out some linens for the wedding. Leave an hour early? Sure. But you refused to budge when I asked once more: "Would we be able to get an appointment any later than 4 p.m.? I work until 5:30. I'd appreciate the latest appointment you can possibly offer me."

Okay, lady. 4 p.m. is the latest appointment you can offer me. I will remember that. And if I hadn't already paid my deposit three months ago--you can bet I'd be looking elsewhere for linen rentals.

Pittsburgh brides, send me an e-mail if you want to know which high-profile linen rental company to avoid!

The one where I'm cranky

5 things that are annoying me today: 1. The woman who slid into my seat on the bus this morning was SO CLOSE to me that her right butt cheek was smashed up against my left butt cheek. And before you go assuming she was a large woman, she probably weighed 120 pounds max. There's no excuse for that kind of behavior. 2. Every time I take a sip of my coffee, three drops land in my lap. It now looks like I wet myself. (Whoever is designing these Dixie cups to go, can we work on this?) 3. I had to wear my winter coat this morning. HEY, APRIL? YOU ARE BEING A JERK! 4. I slept for nine and half hours last night and I'm still struggling to keep my eyes open. 5. I don't normally write about my job on this blog, but I really need to vent for a second. No one from work has donated to my March for Babies fundraiser yet. Normally this wouldn't irk me, but I really go out of my way here to support my coworkers' fundraisers, charities, and the like. True, I didn't buy four boxes of Girl Scout cookies to "be a good person." I bought them because they are freaking delicious. But still, I always go the extra mile for my colleagues. I send them flowers when they are sick, I go to funerals when their loved ones pass away, I pick up the slack for them when family emergencies demand their time away from work. So why is it no one has donated so much as a dollar to my cause? Kinda hurts. :( EDIT: Thought about deleting #5 since the day I posted it... but just a few days ago I did start receiving donations from my coworkers. In these hard times, I would have appreciated a dollar or two from whoever could spare it, but a handful of them have stepped up in a big way. I'm thankful for everyone's generosity. I'm proud to say I've surpassed my goal of raising $500 for the March of Dimes!

It's snowing.

Don't talk to me.





No, for real. Don't.





Okay, fine... but just for a second. I have a lot of work to do.


Last night, Andrew tried to put toilet water in my glass of water on the night stand.

Then we had a fight.

Then I fell asleep and we woke up friends.

I think we are a strange pair. But it works.


P.S. Snow is dumb and for babies*

*Shout out, @sarah2kforever

Call me in six months...

My neurologist's office just called and said they want to follow up with my B12 levels in six months. Um... I WANT TO FEEL BETTER NOW. HOW BOUT WE FOLLOW UP NOW, BITCH?

Okay, sorry. I'm grumpy.

In other news, Andrew told me a few nights ago that when we first started dating he actually thought I wore a diaper. Something about him giving me a playful smack on the tush and hearing/feeling "a smooshy diaper."

Hey men, there's this feminine hygiene product out there. I think it is called "a pad." Check 'em out before your assume your girlfriend soils herself.

Thanks for tuning in!

Dear Doctor, Fix Me.

Well, here's an interesting twist in the plot. After consulting with a neurologist for a second opinion on my narcolepsy diagnosis--it has been determined that I DO NOT have narcolepsy. Apparently, the sleep disorder specialist who originally told me I have the disorder was an asshole very quick to jump to conclusions without properly analyzing my sleep study results.

Long story short, the neurologist told me he thought I could have M.S. or a seizure disorder. Wow! Just the kind of thing you want to hear from a doctor. Not. After some tests, he told me I am "neurologically perfect." So that's a big sigh of relief, but that still leaves the question--What The Hell Is Wrong With Me? All I feel like doing is sleeping, and it literally hurts to think. My brain feels like it is covered in fog--making it impossible to concentrate on anything. I am so ready to feel NORMAL! Someone fix me!

After consulting my blood test results, my neurologist decided it was very possible that I have a Vitamin B12 deficiency. It is extremely rare for someone to be deficient in B12 because the liver can store up to 3-years worth of the vitamin. (Side note: vegans and vegetarians have to take a supplement to get the vitamin.)

Because of the rarity of the disorder, it is grossly under-diagnosed. It isn't even on doctors' radar most of the time because medical school usually spends about 2 minutes discussing the deficiency and its symptoms.

What are the symptoms? According to Wikipedia: Early and even fairly pronounced deficiency does not always cause distinct or specific symptoms. Common early symptoms are tiredness or a decreased mental work capacity, decreased concentration and decreased memory, irritability and depression. Sleep disturbances may occur, because B12 may be involved in the regulation of the sleep wake cycle by the pineal gland (through melatonin).

Um, sounds disturbingly familiar. Could it be that I've finally discovered what is making me so miserable? Please!

My neurologist ordered a second round of bloodwork to confirm his theory, as my initial B12 level was 300. A "normal" B12 level is between 200-1100 according to most labs. But the neurologist said the numbers don't always tell the whole story and it is still very possible that I am in fact deficient. (This is probably why it has gone undetected so long--my numbers are, though on the low side, within the normal limits for the vitamin.) Doctors who realize my symptoms line up perfectly with this diagnosis (my neuroloigst!) are smart enough to see past some silly numbers and take a closer look.

My neurologist had the blood test results sent to both his office and my family doctor's office--as I'll be following up with my family doctor to receive monthly B12 injections if a deficiency is confirmed.

Here's where the frustration comes in to play. After a second round of blood tests to determine whether I am truly B12 deficient, my family doctor has concluded that I am "normal." What ever happened to the numbers not telling the whole story? I am still waiting to hear my neurologist's analysis of the new blood work, but I'm really ready to break down and cry. When will I have energy again? When will I be able to think clearly again? :(

UPDATE: NEUROLOGIST'S OFFICE JUST CALLED. THEY SAID MY RESULTS WERE NORMAL. SERIOUSLY. WTF?

I'm going to beat that groundhog to a pulp

Just kidding PETA... heh... NO BUT SERIOUSLY! I thought it was supposed to be spring now? We've "sprung ahead" with our clocks and all that jazz and busted out our spring wardrobes... so what gives? I'm sporting my winter coat for the second day in a row since our 70 degree weekend. Sad face.

Speaking of beating up animals... did you see this? Are you going to click on that link or what!? No!? Fine. I don't care if you read about ninja kangaroos or not. I'm just trying to help.

(Sorry, I'm a little grumpy today.)

In other news... have you watched episode three of Cooking Thyme With Andrew?

No? You didn't? Why not!? Just kidding. I don't care.

Get off my lawn!

Don't print this blog unless you really need to*

The following statements are 100% true and Mermanda-approved. 1. In the five issues of The Printed Blog to date, there is definitely a total of EIGHT BOOBS and possibly a NINTH--depending on your definition of the word "boob." That's a lot of boobs. Possibly many more boobs than necessary. But I'll leave that up to you to judge. Are 8-9 boobs too many? Not enough? Answer below. 2. Andrew has a new blog. It's a cooking blog. I'd recommend you watch his video if any of the following apply to you: you are bored, you like to cook, you enjoy watching weird people on the Internet, you want to hear me sing a duet with Andrew. Go watch. I'll wait. 3. There is SOMETHING WEIRD on my blog! Get it off! Kill it! I knew I shouldn't have left the bamboo on my blog overnight. Crap. [Want to see something cool? Drag the bottom right corner of the browser up towards the top left corner of the screen. Mind blowing, right?] 4. Twitter makes me have weird dreams about yogurt. 5. When Hillary and I hit the lottery in our respective countries, we will purchase and wear matching monocles. 6. I have a hell of a time trying to spell monocle. I swear there should be another letter between the c and l. Jeeze. 7. I'm on page 516 of New Moon and back in love with Edward. Dammit. 8. I will buy Drew a beer if he fixes my ibook. If he doesn't, I will buy MYSELF a beer. And cry. And then dry my eyes and get my butt to the Apple Store and buy a shiny new Macbook. Happy Day! (Ok, but for real, Drew, please fix it. Kthxbai.) 9. If you are one of those people who hate learning the dirty truth about "reality tv" now is the time to skip to number 10. I know someone who was on an episode of HGTV's Property Virgins. One of my favorite shows, okay, kids? I worship Sandra. I can recognize her voice from another room as easily as the voice of my own mother. But I have some bad news for everyone. That show is a sham! (HGTV, I will take this off my blog in exchange for casting me on one of your shows. Thanks.) The woman and her husband on this particular episode already owned the house they were "seeing for the first time" on the show. It's freaking pretend! I HATE YOU, SANDRA. I HATE YOU. 10. I added this little thing to the bottom of my work e-mail signature: "Please don't print this e-mail unless you really need to." Now tell me, if you saw that on the bottom of someone's signature, would your reaction be: "What a little snobby jerkface! I'm printing this thing right this second to show her who is boss!" Or more along the lines of this: "She treasures our natural resources. She's nice." Tell me. Please. Don't hold back. I can take it. *Title refers to #10--not #1. I'm among the small army of bloggers who've granted permission for The Printed Blog to use our work.

It's not all flowers, squirrels, and gingerbread...

Dear Blog,

Despite the flurry of excitement surrounding my life lately (read: engagement, squirrel, etc.) I have been feeling rather down. It's not the holiday blues, or the bronchitis that refuses to leave my lungs in peace. Nope. It's something else. Something that I've dealt with my entire life--but only recently had a name for.

It's the narcolepsy.

I was so relieved after receiving my diagnosis--finally having an explanation for why I never had the energy that others around me seem to possess. Blog, you probably remember the hope that glimmered in my eyes as I recounted my conversation with my sleep disorder specialist. I had to restrain myself from giving him a big old bear hug, you know? I was going to be able to sleep. Really, honestly, sleep. All the appropriate sleep cycles, and not just all that dreaming crap I've put up with for 25 years. I couldn't believe it.

Well, blog... that hope isn't sparkling in my eyes anymore. After discussing the prescribed medication with my mom, a registered nurse, she raised some serious concerns. The medication, which I will not refer to by name, has some side effects that are potentially deadly. Among them: seizures, severe difficulty breathing, confusion, depression, loss of consciousness, and even death.

Side effects aside, the real reason I'm putting this drug on the back burner is that it alters brain chemistry, which I worry can potentially cause a trigger of mental illness. Because bipolar disorder runs in my family, brain chemistry is not something I want to fool around with. The consequences could turn my world upside down. And a good night's sleep? No matter how much I ache for that very thing... risking my mental health is just not worth it.

So I guess I'm holding out for plan B. My doctor tells me new drugs tailored for narcolepsy are coming down the pike in the next 2-3 years. These new drugs will target hypocretin, a hormone that is thought to be responsible for narcolepsy.

I've gone this long without real sleep. What's another 2 or 3 years? Well, I asked myself that very question last night, and the only response I could muster was twenty minutes of crying and feeling sorry for myself. I know there are people going through much worse right now in their lives, so I'm going to try to suck it up and wait patiently. In the meantime, I'll be napping and going to bed at obscenely early hours.

Love,
Mermanda