Where did it go?

My motivation? Have you seen it? I'm thinking it is probably too late to post "LOST" posters because I haven't seen my motivation since college.

How did I go from acing college classes while juggling a staff position on the student newspaper and the full-time job of being a resident assistant in a freshmen dorm--to not being able to write more than one sentence before completely losing my concentration and drive? I'm not talking about blogging... for some reason that just comes naturally. I'm talking about w-o-r-k. Don't get me wrong... I'm damn good at my job. I just don't know why graduating Magna Cum Laude was my brain's signal that it was time to go on hiatus. Hey brain! I need you! I know 16 years of school was tough, and you do deserve a break... but you've been gone for three years now. Please come home!

I just can't concentrate on things like I used to. The college me could pile up three text-books, a poetry anthology, and two writing assignments and plow through them with impressive speed. The adult me stares at the computer screen wondering why it has taken me four hours to write 150 words. (Is anyone else completely obsessed with the word count feature on Word? I literally check it after each sentence. "OH! I'm 43 percent done with this article!" Sick.)

I have been drinking green tea by the gallon. I think it is supposed to keep you sharp... but I can't find any evidence of that online, so maybe I made that up. In that case, I've been going through 4 tea-bags a day for nothing... oy.

Anyhow, today I was struggling with getting the words out of my head and on to the computer screen. Lunch time rolled around, and though I promised myself I would wait to go on lunch until I was done with my assignment (which isn't even due until Tuesday)--I abandoned my work 75.6% complete.

I have a blanket that I keep in my office for amazing days like today. I grabbed it and headed to a grassy area a short walk away and plopped down with my book (still working on The Rum Diary.) After a few chapters, my eyes began to close. Rather than fight it, I set the alarm on my cell phone and curled up on my blanket for the rest of the lunch hour. The alarm went off and I hit snooze. (No surprise there!)

I made it back to the office looking a little disheveled from the catnap. I sat down at my desk to continue and finish my assignment when it occurred to me. Afternoon catnaps in the park may seem like a good idea at the time, but they really do nothing to boost my motivation levels. Oops!



Photo of me enjoying a similarly lovely day in the Burgh last summer.

Photo by Karen H.