Don't print this blog unless you really need to*

The following statements are 100% true and Mermanda-approved. 1. In the five issues of The Printed Blog to date, there is definitely a total of EIGHT BOOBS and possibly a NINTH--depending on your definition of the word "boob." That's a lot of boobs. Possibly many more boobs than necessary. But I'll leave that up to you to judge. Are 8-9 boobs too many? Not enough? Answer below. 2. Andrew has a new blog. It's a cooking blog. I'd recommend you watch his video if any of the following apply to you: you are bored, you like to cook, you enjoy watching weird people on the Internet, you want to hear me sing a duet with Andrew. Go watch. I'll wait. 3. There is SOMETHING WEIRD on my blog! Get it off! Kill it! I knew I shouldn't have left the bamboo on my blog overnight. Crap. [Want to see something cool? Drag the bottom right corner of the browser up towards the top left corner of the screen. Mind blowing, right?] 4. Twitter makes me have weird dreams about yogurt. 5. When Hillary and I hit the lottery in our respective countries, we will purchase and wear matching monocles. 6. I have a hell of a time trying to spell monocle. I swear there should be another letter between the c and l. Jeeze. 7. I'm on page 516 of New Moon and back in love with Edward. Dammit. 8. I will buy Drew a beer if he fixes my ibook. If he doesn't, I will buy MYSELF a beer. And cry. And then dry my eyes and get my butt to the Apple Store and buy a shiny new Macbook. Happy Day! (Ok, but for real, Drew, please fix it. Kthxbai.) 9. If you are one of those people who hate learning the dirty truth about "reality tv" now is the time to skip to number 10. I know someone who was on an episode of HGTV's Property Virgins. One of my favorite shows, okay, kids? I worship Sandra. I can recognize her voice from another room as easily as the voice of my own mother. But I have some bad news for everyone. That show is a sham! (HGTV, I will take this off my blog in exchange for casting me on one of your shows. Thanks.) The woman and her husband on this particular episode already owned the house they were "seeing for the first time" on the show. It's freaking pretend! I HATE YOU, SANDRA. I HATE YOU. 10. I added this little thing to the bottom of my work e-mail signature: "Please don't print this e-mail unless you really need to." Now tell me, if you saw that on the bottom of someone's signature, would your reaction be: "What a little snobby jerkface! I'm printing this thing right this second to show her who is boss!" Or more along the lines of this: "She treasures our natural resources. She's nice." Tell me. Please. Don't hold back. I can take it. *Title refers to #10--not #1. I'm among the small army of bloggers who've granted permission for The Printed Blog to use our work.

Tossing and Turning

Unable to fall asleep, my mind started to wander. Something was making me feel uneasy. But what was it? Searching, I mentally went through my list of things to do at work. Did I remember to send that e-mail to my coworker? Yes. Did I return that reporter's phone call? Yes. Hmm....

OH NO!

I haven't cleaned out my deleted folder in my work e-mail account since before Christmas break! The horror!

Yes, people. This is what keeps me up at night.

That and also being afraid to get up to use the bathroom. That's right. I'm five.

Answers Part II

You asked me questions and I answered some of them last week. Here's the second installment. What is the last thing I do before going to sleep each night? After my hygiene routine, I put in my ear plugs (Andrew snores. I hate him.) and slather on about four coats of Vaseline Intensive Lip Therapy. I turn off my light on the night stand, fluff my pillows, crawl under the covers, and throw my socks on the floor. I absolutely cannot sleep with my socks on--unless the room is particularly tundra-like, that is. Good night! If you could have one extravagant thing that you cannot afford at your wedding, what would it be? At first I was going to say something practical like a full bar (we're only serving beer and wine)--but after some thinking I came up with something really extravagant. I'd hire Iron & Wine to perform "The Trapeze Swinger" as I walk down the aisle. It's an extremely long song... more than eight minutes... so I'd like him to create a special abbreviated version just for my trip down the aisle. Not a dry eye in the house! Fast forward ten years, what are you doing if this were your ideal world? Steph Corwin, you are evil. What the heck am I supposed to say to this? Ideal world? I'd be the mother of a kid or two... possibly one of them is adopted. (I'd be a really cool mom.) Money is no worry because I'd be living off my million-dollar win on Deal or No Deal and traveling the world with my family. (It's safe to travel anywhere because there is world peace. Booya!) What is one thing that makes you smile no matter what, every time? If I know there is sushi in my future, I'm a very happy camper. How can you not be happy when you know there will soon be sushi in your mouth? Part III will follow!

Some things never change

Five things I couldn't do as a child and still have yet to master as an adult:

Twirl a baton

Cartwheel

Roll my R's (¡Arriba!)

Snap my fingers on my left hand

Cross my eyes


What about you?

TGIF

Work is busy. Wedding planning is soul sucking. House hunting is growing to be painful and annoying.

I am thankful I have a job. I am thankful I found the love of my life. I am thankful I have the means to afford a house.

Sometimes you just have to slap some sense into yourself. Especially after a week like this one.

Thank you for all you Twitter followers/friends who kept my mom in your prayers this week. She was taken to the ER in an ambulance with chest pains at 2 a.m. on Thursday. After receiving a very scary call from my sister in the dead of the night, Andrew offered to drive me to the hospital. (I was too shaken up to drive.)

We were directed to my mom's room in the ER. I cautiously pulled back the curtain and was relieved to see her sitting up in bed and smiling to see me.

"This is my daughter," she introduced me to her doctor. "And this is my future son-in-law," she motioned towards Andrew, still smiling.

I leaned forward to kiss her cheek, my bottom lip trembling. "You scared me!"

"I'm okay," she said. "I decided to not be stupid and get checked out. Just in case."

My parents didn't even realize my sister had called me and were sorry that we made the trip to the hospital in the middle of the night.

I was just relieved that my mom was okay.

The doctors aren't completely sure what caused the episode, but it could be as simple as the fact that she forgot to take her high blood pressure medication earlier that day. They decided to keep her for a few days, and she should be discharged this afternoon.

Much love to this little community. You're all amazing.

xo

Vlog Day 2: I love lamp

For my adoring fans:


20SB Vlog Day 2: Things I Love

Answers Part I

Great questions so far! Here are the start of my answers. My dream publication/site to write for? I am lucky to say I was very serious about wanting to write an article for Paste a few years ago. After some persistence and a great story pitch, they hired me to write a piece for their Scrapbook section of the magazine. Without giving too much about my identity away (my last name is pretty easy to figure out if you know what you are looking for...) I wrote a feature about an influential music guru who hosts weekly segments on a national media outlet. Seeing my byline on those glossy pages reminds me that I am capable of achieving my wildest dreams--as long as I am willing to tackle them with 100 percent of my persistence and writing chops. With that said, there is one publication my persistence did not pay off. I wanted more than anything in college to be an intern at O Magazine. At that time, the magazine was still relatively new and no one was certain if Oprah's face on the cover was enough to keep the publication in business in the often fickle and volatile magazine industry. I didn't care. I just wanted to be part of Oprah's wonderland. After submitting my application, weeks passed without hearing from O. Shocked my resume was not enough to warrant a personal call from the Queen of Media herself (kidding), my impatience got to the best of me and I started calling the office weekly to see if anyone had a chance to consider my application. I guess I grew bored with the waiting game and stopped calling and never heard from them again. The one publication I'd love to write for? O Magazine. Full Disclosure: I don't even read the magazine. But how cool would it be to work for Oprah? Biggest surprise in planning the wedding so far? I have been very surprised at how involved everyone wants to be in the planning process. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it was totally unexpected for me. My parents are usually fine with letting me make my own decisions and trust me to make the most of the money they are giving us towards the wedding. With that said, they have had something to say about each little bump along the way. From the venue not being close enough to a hotel (it's about 2 miles from a hotel... so.... yeah), to the guest list, to the food selections... they've made their voices heard. It's made things quite challenging to try to balance everyone's expectations as well as what Andrew and I want for our big day. I'm happy to say that we've finally reached a point where everyone is happy with our plans--and all of the big stuff has already been decided. To date, we have a ceremony venue, an officiant, flowers, reception venue, caterer, wedding cake, wedding dress, linens, a DJ, and a rehearsal dinner location. I'd say we're doing pretty well. If you could be Rainbow Brite, Punky Brewster or Strawberry Shortcake for a day, who would you be and why? Sorry Strawberry Shortcake, but I'm voting you off the island first. I've never felt a particular connection to her--despite having a Strawberry Shortcake light-switch plate in my childhood bedroom. Punky Brewster was totally awesome, and I even had a pair of Punky Brewster snowboots. A boy I was very much crazy about used to call me Punky in junior high because I apparently reminded him of that little rascal. (I took it as a term of endearment. Nothing you say will ever convince me otherwise.) Nonetheless, Punky does not live among rainbows and clouds. So I pick Rainbow Brite. Done. Slip-n-slide or sprinkler? Slip-n-slide! Favorite historical figure? Martin Luther King. Or Jesus. Who can choose? What's the secret behind your famous grilled cheese? Oh, Laura. You are asking the tough questions now. Let's see. Start with a stick of butter and hot skillet over a medium flame. Rub the stick of butter on the skillet until the whole surface is covered in a slick buttery blanket of goodness. Then wipe one piece of white bread through it until it is covered evenly and completely on one side. Repeat process with second piece of bread--melting more butter if necessary. Assemble your sandwich with 1-2 pieces of American Cheese (Kraft Singles!) depending on your preferred level of cheesiness. You can put more if you want, but it probably won't melt to my specifications. Cook one side of the sandwich until it is golden brown and then flip and do the same thing on the other side. If the cheese is not completely melted by the end of the process, turn the fire down low until everything is melty and delicious. Cut diagonally, of course. And enjoy! Tune in again tomorrow for more answers! Keep the questions coming if you want. I have no secrets.

Do you feel lucky, punk?

My reader be poppin' and I have my hands full with wedding stuff again this week. I'm not going to bore you with that (tune in to Twitter for that drama). Instead I'm following in the footsteps of some of my favorite bloggers and opening the floor to you. Ask me anything. I'll answer the questions I receive in a follow-up post. Be goofy, sincere, or gross. Just. Bring. It.

And Jossie? What a cop out! I asked you your favorite uncle from Full House and you couldn't even pick one? Disgraceful! (I still love you.)

What a week!

Hello all of you beautiful people. I have been a crazy person for the past week so I apologize for my absence. Let's just get it out there in the open. There's an elephant in the room. And that elephant looks a lot like a house.

We put an offer on our first home last week, and the seller came back with a counter-offer a bit too high for the amount of work that is needed to be done to the house. We looked at the house a second time with both of our parents this weekend and we feel comfortable with continuing our search for our first home. Maybe these people will get desperate and lower their price drastically in the coming months--if so--we'll talk. If not, I know our house is out there waiting for us to find it!

Aside from all the house hunting craziness, there has been considerable wedding progress in the last week. We booked an awesome caterer who is giving us an incredible deal. The menu is more traditional than sushi and tacos in order to please both sides of the family, but it's going to be delicious. Granny Smith Apple stuffed chicken breast. Nom nom nom.

We also booked a florist who is super excited about the peacock theme. We worked with him to bring the price down considerably... because you can't buy a house and plan a wedding at the same time and throw your money around willy nilly. Am I right?



I found the most adorable wedding save the dates and invitations on Etsy and as soon as we get the ceremony location firm (hopefully later today!) we will proceed with ordering a bunch of them.

I have to admit, for a while this wedding stuff was stressing me out to the point that I didn't even want to think about it. But things are really starting to come together and I couldn't be more excited! I even bought a cute decorative bird cage this weekend to use at the reception to hold cards. It makes me squeal with delight.

Oh, and can I just say that I am way more excited about the prospect of owning some dogs in the near future than all this boring house hunting stuff. DOGGIES! (If anyone out there has experience with Italian Greyhounds, hit me up. We need to chat on the ASAP.)

xoxo

Wordle Schmertle

Meet my wordle. I am naming it Horatio.

He's back on the wagon, folks

Check out the latest installment of this idiot's Andrew's blog. Don't forget to enter his contest!

You don't want it. He can't have it back.

Found this over at Strange Musings of a Distracted Spunk. It's genius! And hilarious.

I'm in the market to sell a 14kt gold heart locket. I'll be registering shortly. (Unless I have any takers out there in blog land? Make me an offer I can't refuse.)

Bye-Bye #47, Hello Bloggers

Though the big 20 Something Bloggers meetup isn't until the end of June, I am already crossing off #47 on my list--attend a blogger meetup. This weekend, Jenn, Maxie, and Deutlich traveled to the Burgh to spend Saturday with local bloggers Angela, Drew, Andrea, and Mermanda (me, duh.) Us bloggers and special guest Andrew enjoyed a cozy lunch at Buca di Beppo, where we practically had the place to ourselves. (Good thing, because bloggers are a chatty bunch when we get together! Shocked? Me neither.) Photo by Deutlich After stuffing our respective faces with lasagna, chicken saltimbocca, and other various Italian nom noms, we embarked upon a fruitless search for redbull to refuel thy tired and hungover blogging folk. Unable to settle for inferior energy drink imposters such as Amp and Monster, we sought our sights upon Starbucks, where caffiene flows like the Nile. Properly "juiced," bloggers walked to the Monongahela Incline to give the out of towners a proper view of the Pittsburgh skyline. Maxie read a sign that claimed the weight limit of the incline to be eight occupants per seating section--a total of 24 passengers per car. She wondered what the real limit was, and proposed an experiment. Not wanting to die at the hands of a curious blogger, we all respectfully declined our chance to be part of a Very Scientific Study. Maybe next time, Maxie, dear. That evening, we headed to Kaya for Latin American, Southeast Asian, and Caribbean-inspired grub and deliciously fruity drinks. Mmmmm.... Sangria! There was lots of polite dinner conversation--I swear the word "balls" was used less than a dozen times. And lots of laughs. I'm so glad we were all able to get together! My first blogger meetup a smashing success. It didn't end there, though... Andrew and I took in a few strays named Deutlich and Maxie for the night. After a good night's rest, Andrew cooked us all breakfast, which we enjoyed over some Backstreet Boys. Our guests then headed home with full bellies and stacks of The Printed Blog, which Jenn lovingly bestowed upon all of the bloggers after lunch.

RAYGE

Background information: Facebook ruined Andrew's plans to surprise me with Ray LaMontagne tickets by sending me an e-mail from the iLike application--alerting me of the show.

Me: Ray LaMontagne is coming to Pittsburgh!!! We have to go!
Andrew: Dammit! You weren't supposed to know that! Now what am I supposed to get you for Valentine's Day?
Me: You sure as hell still better buy me those tickets, you idiot!
(We love each other.)

I received this e-mail from him this morning:

Subject: GAHHHHH BAH GRRRRRRRR!
From: Andrew

I'M SO [BLEEP] MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

The Ray Lamontagne tickets were supposed to go on sale tomorrow at 10 [BLEEP] A.M. so I went to the theater's site today to make sure that they were going to be up tomorrow and everything and I discovered that THEY HAVE ALREADY BEEN ON SALE SOMEHOW. I HAVE NEVER BEEN MADDER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Every single goddamn seat that is good seems to be sold already. I WANT TO PUNCH SOMEBODY IN THEIR FACE! [BLEEP]! AND THEN! AND THENNNNNNNNN! I TRIED TO PURCHASE WHAT SEEMED LIKE DECENT SEATS IN THE BALCONY, BUT THEY HAVE LITTLE STUPID ROWS OF 3!!!! 3! WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS A ROW OF THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE????? YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO BUY ONLY TWO TICKETS IN THE ROWS OF 3 BECAUSE THAT LEAVES ONLY ONE SEAT LEFT FOR SOME ASSSSSSSSSSSSHOOOOOOOOLLLLLLE. AMANDA I'M GOING TO MURDER SOMEONE. MUR-DER THEM!

Tell me what you want me to do. There are seats available in the LOGE section, which is theater code for [BLEEP] [BLEEP] SEATS. They are all the [BLEEP] way back on the floor like pretty much in the [BLEEP] LOBBBBBY. THERE ARE ALSO some seats open in the balcony or other terrible places. [BLEEP] A. I'm really sorry about this, I was so [BLEEP] EXCITED to get you amazing seats up by the stage. I had the [BLEEP] THING bookmarked and an email reminder set so I would be the first person to buy them tomorrow morning. I HATE MYSELF. And I HATE THE PALACE THEATER.

The way I see it there are two options:
1. Buy shitty tickets and boo really loudly the whole time we're there.
2. Kill someone.
3. Kill everyone.

Your choice.
[BLEEP].

-Andrew

P.S. Please disregard this email. In my rage I purchased us two balcony seats that I believe will not be too terrible. If they are, I'm going to go down to the orchestra level and punch every single person sitting there IN THE FACE.

I love you! Happy Valentine's Day.

Fangs and Football

My weekend in photos: I saw Twilight. Yeah, I loved it. So what? I crossed another one off my list. My first taste of Sake.
(And probably my last. Ick.)
Welcome to the SUPER BOWL! Go Steelers! Eat 'n Park really is the place for smiles. If you aren't familiar with the Smiley cookie... you obviously aren't down with the Burgh. Nom nom nom! It was a really close game... you could cut the tension with a knife. But I don't have to tell you... I'm sure you've already heard all about SIXBURGH! Woop!

And the winner is...

Last night, Andrew drew a name out of a basket to select the winner of my 100th subscriber giveaway. (And to answer your question, Andrew, no, you are not eligible to win. Silly.) The lucky lady, That Short Chick of Late Bloomer's Revelations, has been notified and her stamp of choice will be delivered to her directly from the Baby Jewels shop on Etsy. Congrats to my winner and a big thanks to everyone who entered. One final thanks to Cat of Baby Jewels. In love with her stamps and bummed you didn't win? Why not visit her shop and place an order? I know I am! Remember to subscribe to Cusp of Normal if you haven't already. I'll be hosting another giveaway when I hit 200 subscribers. XOXO