Snap Snap: A Friday Spoken Word Performance

Okay, not exactly "spoken" but if you read this aloud, I'm sure your coworkers will swoon with delight.

A Poem By Andrew (received via e-mail at 10:15 a.m. Friday)

I heart you, it's true
More than new shoes
Or nothing to do
Or a trip to the zoo.

You're very fine
Like gross French boxed wine
Or a theme park with no lines
Or a pet walrus that's mine.

I like you.

snap snap

TGIF

Work is busy. Wedding planning is soul sucking. House hunting is growing to be painful and annoying.

I am thankful I have a job. I am thankful I found the love of my life. I am thankful I have the means to afford a house.

Sometimes you just have to slap some sense into yourself. Especially after a week like this one.

Thank you for all you Twitter followers/friends who kept my mom in your prayers this week. She was taken to the ER in an ambulance with chest pains at 2 a.m. on Thursday. After receiving a very scary call from my sister in the dead of the night, Andrew offered to drive me to the hospital. (I was too shaken up to drive.)

We were directed to my mom's room in the ER. I cautiously pulled back the curtain and was relieved to see her sitting up in bed and smiling to see me.

"This is my daughter," she introduced me to her doctor. "And this is my future son-in-law," she motioned towards Andrew, still smiling.

I leaned forward to kiss her cheek, my bottom lip trembling. "You scared me!"

"I'm okay," she said. "I decided to not be stupid and get checked out. Just in case."

My parents didn't even realize my sister had called me and were sorry that we made the trip to the hospital in the middle of the night.

I was just relieved that my mom was okay.

The doctors aren't completely sure what caused the episode, but it could be as simple as the fact that she forgot to take her high blood pressure medication earlier that day. They decided to keep her for a few days, and she should be discharged this afternoon.

Much love to this little community. You're all amazing.

xo

RAYGE

Background information: Facebook ruined Andrew's plans to surprise me with Ray LaMontagne tickets by sending me an e-mail from the iLike application--alerting me of the show.

Me: Ray LaMontagne is coming to Pittsburgh!!! We have to go!
Andrew: Dammit! You weren't supposed to know that! Now what am I supposed to get you for Valentine's Day?
Me: You sure as hell still better buy me those tickets, you idiot!
(We love each other.)

I received this e-mail from him this morning:

Subject: GAHHHHH BAH GRRRRRRRR!
From: Andrew

I'M SO [BLEEP] MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

The Ray Lamontagne tickets were supposed to go on sale tomorrow at 10 [BLEEP] A.M. so I went to the theater's site today to make sure that they were going to be up tomorrow and everything and I discovered that THEY HAVE ALREADY BEEN ON SALE SOMEHOW. I HAVE NEVER BEEN MADDER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Every single goddamn seat that is good seems to be sold already. I WANT TO PUNCH SOMEBODY IN THEIR FACE! [BLEEP]! AND THEN! AND THENNNNNNNNN! I TRIED TO PURCHASE WHAT SEEMED LIKE DECENT SEATS IN THE BALCONY, BUT THEY HAVE LITTLE STUPID ROWS OF 3!!!! 3! WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS A ROW OF THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE????? YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO BUY ONLY TWO TICKETS IN THE ROWS OF 3 BECAUSE THAT LEAVES ONLY ONE SEAT LEFT FOR SOME ASSSSSSSSSSSSHOOOOOOOOLLLLLLE. AMANDA I'M GOING TO MURDER SOMEONE. MUR-DER THEM!

Tell me what you want me to do. There are seats available in the LOGE section, which is theater code for [BLEEP] [BLEEP] SEATS. They are all the [BLEEP] way back on the floor like pretty much in the [BLEEP] LOBBBBBY. THERE ARE ALSO some seats open in the balcony or other terrible places. [BLEEP] A. I'm really sorry about this, I was so [BLEEP] EXCITED to get you amazing seats up by the stage. I had the [BLEEP] THING bookmarked and an email reminder set so I would be the first person to buy them tomorrow morning. I HATE MYSELF. And I HATE THE PALACE THEATER.

The way I see it there are two options:
1. Buy shitty tickets and boo really loudly the whole time we're there.
2. Kill someone.
3. Kill everyone.

Your choice.
[BLEEP].

-Andrew

P.S. Please disregard this email. In my rage I purchased us two balcony seats that I believe will not be too terrible. If they are, I'm going to go down to the orchestra level and punch every single person sitting there IN THE FACE.

I love you! Happy Valentine's Day.

All by myself

Andrew started taking evening classes tonight--leaving me to fend for myself two nights a week. Yeah, I have to remember how to feed myself (living with a partner who cooks is something I recommend to everyone). But what else am I going to struggle with? Figuring out how to watch the new HD TV, sigh.

Andrew must have saw this coming...

I came home to find these on the coffee table:







How cute is he?

Andrew Is Fired

I'm launching a semi-regular feature on Cusp of Normal, devoted to the crazy/sexy/cool things that come out of Andrew's mouth. I asked him to help me think of names for this feature, and a ten minute g-chat brainstorm session commenced.

Among the gems that Andrew suggested:
"Things my cool [bleep] boyfriend said, [bleep]"
"WTF Andrew?"
"Really, Andrew?"
"What are you talking about?"
"What an idiot!"
"Asshole of the Year!"
"The go [bleep] yourself hour, with Andrew"
"Andrew, you so crazy!"
"Wiggity-whack tracks with Andrew"

I interrupted his streak with my own suggestion: "The Barnacle Chronicles"

After I thought of it, I told him I loved it too much to waste it on the name of a dumb feature. "The Barnacle Chronicles" should be the name of something awesome. Something Earth-Shaking. I began thinking, this should be the name of my super-secret blog. Yeah, that's when some huge IDIOT FACE sent me a link to his new super-secret blog...

Thanks, honey. This means war.

P.S. Go tell him what a naughty little fella he is!

Puke and Pride

I took yesterday off from work and my blog to take care of my sick lovebug. He's feeling much better today--so I must have done a good job. Thank the Lord for the flu shot. For me to not be all pukey and poopy (sorry, Andrew) was such a victory for my usually weak immune system. If you didn't get a flu shot (cough, Andrew, cough, cough) I don't understand you silly people. Oh, and one more thing... Heck Yeah! Photo Credit: New York Times Forget about that "elect" business. This is our country's PRESIDENT! Whoop! Whooop! Update: Could Andrew's mystery illness have been caused by... (dramatic pause) ... SALMONELLA POISONING? The world may never know.

Merry Christmas

It looked like Christmas was going to be a big downer for me this year. There was drama at my parents' house and Andrew woke up feeling very sick on Christmas Eve. Insisting it WAS NOT a hangover, he got my sympathy and I went to the store for supplies to nurse him back to health. I waited on him throughout the afternoon, as he laid on the couch swaddled in blankets. After he threw up "a little bit" it became obvious to me that he was too sick to leave the house, I called my parents to tell them Andrew wouldn't be joining us for Christmas Eve dinner. When I told Andrew I thought it was best he stayed home so he didn't get my family sick, he gave me the puppy dog face. "I want to be a Christmas person," Andrew pleaded. "Well how do you feel?" "I haven't thrown up in hours." "That's not the same as feeling well. I'm not sure it's a good idea..." While I still believed it was a hangover from staying out late with the boys the night before, he claimed it was food poisoning from eating ham and potato salad that was sitting out for six hours at his office Christmas party. I thought that sounded pretty believable. And so (after a few shots of Pepto-Bismol) we met my parents, sister, and her friend at my family's favorite Asian restaurant for our traditional Christmas Eve meal. Afterwards, my mom talked the family into skipping church to go home and relax. (Bad Mommy.) We exchanged gifts, watched a movie, and played a game--which Andrew, my mom, and I dominated, thank you very much. The next morning, we were off to Andrew's parents' house for merriment and gifts with his sister and her boyfriend. Andrew and I were both slackers this year and did not give his parents a list of things we wanted. It turned out to be one of the most magical Christmases ever. They really shot themselves in the foot, though, because we're sure to never give them another Christmas list again. (Sorry, Susan!) The first gift I reached for had a pteradactyl ornament taped to the box. (How could I not go for the bait?) Well... does this look familiar? I think I squealed upon seeing "Origami Ink" on the box. Oh, and then I made out with the bird. So what? How unbelievably awesome does this thing look on our mantle? I have a problem with breaking fragile things, so Andrew made me promise him that I'd never touch it again. It's for the best. I love love love it! Thank you so much Jack and Susan! You are both very sneaky Santas. Snuggling with our new handmade Steelers blanket. Meet Smuckers. She's kind of a brat. Andrew's sister and her boyfriend gave me a rockin' cupcake book, so be on the lookout for some photos of the craziest cupcakes you've ever seen in the near future. (They also gave me salad hands. If you don't know what those are, your life is incomplete.) After we opened gifts, we ate a delicious french toast casserole. There was also LOTS of bacon. And I think we can all agree (except you veggies out there, of course) that bacon is the true meaning of Christmas. Much more Christmas fun in the evening followed; we had dinner at Andrew's aunt's house. (That's right, I used a semi-colon. I haven't blogged in ages, so I feel compelled to bring out the big guns.) I met some of his relatives from Nashville for the first time, and they all lived up to their reputations as being "the cool cousins." Oh, and I'm not just saying that because they all admitted to reading my blog after getting e-mails about the proposal video on Glamour. Yes, Andrew's entire extended family has now viewed Andrew ripping a bandage from my arm on the Internet. And that's what I love about techonology, people. :) There were three new babies at the dinner festivities, and I did manage to make one cry when I asked to hold her. In my defense, I think she was incredibly tired. I swear babies like me! The highlight of the evening, for some, was cocktail hour--featuring pomegranate martinis. I stuck with wine, and I'm very thankful for my decision. It was later revealed that each martini contained a half a cup of vodka. Oh, yes. That's about four shots of liquor. I can see how that would have gone... me hugging the toilet for Christmas dinner. Not exactly the impression I'd like to make. Not everyone was so lucky. Uncles slurred their speech. Aunts let curse words flow from their tongues. The term "tea bagging" was used--several times. Ben? I think that at least ties your Hummer experience. Christmas continues Friday when we celebrate with the other side of Andrew's family. Bring. It. On.

What I've Been Up To: A Photo Essay

Engagement flowers from my future sister-in-law


Engagement celebration dinner kiss


Engagement Squirrel Surprise


Not so engagement cozy handmade scarf from Sarah


Engagement gingerbread house, assembled with love by my future sister-in-law, Andrew, and me

Glamour calls Andrew "Adorable" and I'm going to agree

See Andrew's proposal featured on the Glamour blog "Smitten," written by Joanna Goddard.

AHH! This is all so exciting! Going to call the venue of our dreams later today to schedule a showing.

xoxo

So excited to share this with you

He proposed to me while I still had my mullet. It must be true love...

The very first thing to be crossed off my list...

Is number 72! Last night, Andrew proposed while we were decorating the Christmas tree! He was handing me the ornaments and I was strategically placing them on the boughs. After I had hung what I thought was the last ornament, I stepped back to admire my work. That's when he, on bended knee, held out one last ornament. A peacock with a diamond ring around its neck! We even have the moment caught on tape. Andrew told me he wanted to make a video of us decorating the tree and then speed it up and put it to music. Always on the lookout for blogging material, I thought this was a fantastic idea. But who knew I'd get to later rewind the video to watch my jaw hit the floor as a diamond-studded peacock was presented to me!? I'll share the video once Andrew edits it for me. Yay! We're engaged!

Phlegm and Cider: My Long Weekend in Asheville

Well, I survived the mountains of Asheville, North Carolina... and I'm officially a quarter century old. Thanks for all of the birthday wishes while I was away. They certainly put a big dorky smile on my face last night as I attempted to catch up with Twitter, Facebook, 20SB, and my reader. You kids have been busy! My viral cold lingered on throughout the entire vacation, and like my ever-enchanting mullet, is still with me today. Luckily (?) the virus is just in my lungs, so other than a sexy phlegmy cough and zero energy for anything other than sipping spiced hot apple cider and napping in front of the fireplace, I was/still am pretty much the picture of health. Our cabin, Rhododendron Cabin, was seriously adorable. I took very few photos on the trip due to general laziness. These photos were borrowed from the rental company's Web site: There was no hiking on my part--but Andrew, his parents, and their dog Smuckers, did take an excursion while I napped. Now, I don't want your sympathy. Don't misunderstand. I am very fond of napping. I don't mind being forced to nap in a cozy cabin in the mountains while everyone else is traipsing about in the 40-degree mucky muck. I napped Friday away, and by Saturday I was ready to face the streets of Asheville. We visited a bunch of adorable shops and had lunch at Bistro 1896. One shop in particular, Origami Ink, stole my heart. Packed with beautiful stationary and other treasures, I lusted for many items that my wallet couldn't afford. But none were as stunning as the artisan bird figures that were scattered around the store. Completely out of my souvenir price range, these birds will be something I will probably regret not splurging on for many years to come. While exploring the town, I was constantly blown away by how friendly the locals were. I've heard of southern hospitality, and don't get me wrong, Pittsburghers are lovely people. But dang! I felt like hugging everyone I encountered. There was door holding, "excuse me's," "sorrys," "pardon me's," and genuinely warm conversation. Shopkeepers spoke to me like we were old friends, and guess what? They loved the Obama button. I felt truly at home. Saturday evening, Andrew, his parents, and I went to the Biltmore for a candle light tour. If you're not familiar with the Biltmore, it is a mansion that boasts more than 250 rooms. Are you dying? Ready to die again? It was built by 25-year-old George Washington Vanderbilt--completed in 1895. Truly incredible. (Again, photos borrowed from the Biltmore's web site.) The house was all done up for Christmas--complete with a choir of carolers. Roaring fireplaces in almost every room and countless Christmas trees gave the largest home in the United States a romantic glow. The house never ceased to amaze me--it even has its own bowling alley, indoor swimming pool, and "state of the art" gymnasium. (Of course, "state of the art" fitness equipment in 1895 consisted of medicine balls, parallel bars, dumbbells, and very little else.) We planned to go back the following day to tour the grounds and winery, but the weather and my lingering illness caused a change of plans. Instead, Andrew's parents explored neighboring communities while Andrew and I had brunch and hunted for antique treasures. In the end, my eggs were inedible and it turns out antiques bore me. Oh, well. With many more hours of daylight to burn, Andrew and I set out for an adventure to Black Mountain--a town a few exits from Asheville. We arrived to find Black Mountain is pretty much closed for business on Sundays. We peeked in one more antique shop before deciding to return to the cabin to watch the Steelers game in front of the fire. With one speeding ticket under Andrew's belt, we made it to the cabin $150 poorer. An afternoon of football watching, book reading, and fireplace napping, led to an evening of Yahtzee, chocolate eating, and more cider drinking. All in all, I have to give my Thanksgiving/Birthday weekend getaway two thumbs up. A big thanks to Susan and Jack for inviting me to be part of their mountain escape. I hope you all had a restful weekend.