Hair of the dog... or shriveled guitar player

First, let me clear up some rumors. It is true! Our offer on the house was accepted! We are having the inspection Friday, and barring any awful surprises, we are closing May 29! The house is stone with clay tile shingles. It is pretty much an indestructible fortress. Now we just need some dogs!

Speaking of dogs... my new haircut resembles a strange mix of:

Chinese Crested Dog



Ronnie Wood (Rolling Stones)



Pat Benatar


In other words, I look really hot.


Photos to come...

Gesundheit!

On the bus this morning, a woman sat across from me sneezing her poor little head off. No one was acknowledging her--so after her third sneeze I slid in there with a tiny little "bless you." She nodded and said "thank you."

I then sat back and thought about the little exchange that just took place. Isn't it totally weird? Why did I feel so compelled to "bless" this stranger? I mean, I'm pretty sure this woman is not coming down with the bubonic plague any time soon. Right?

But then I remembered my upbringing...

Growing up, my dad was always extremely offended if his sneeze was met with silence.

Dad: ACHOOO!
Me: [silence]
Sister: [silence]
Mom: [silence]

awkward silence....

Dad: WELL, GOD FORBID ANYONE SHOULD BLESS ME!

The moral of the story is, if you ever meet my dad and ignore his sneeze--you better not ask him for any favors.

Three things that will change your life

Today I bring you three things that will change your life:

#1 Bra Baby
What is the worst thing in the world? Easy. Clothes that need washed by hand. (What, you were expecting me to say social injustice?) Okay, so maybe it's not as high on the scale of "things that ruin humanity" as genocide and Boy George cover bands, but still. It sucks. I think we can all agree on that much.

That's why this little invention has saved my life. The days of scrubbing out the sink and hanging dripping wet bras over my dining room chairs to dry are over.


Found in the "As Seen On TV" section of Bed, Bath, and Beyond and available online, this is one of my favorite purchases of 2008. You just secure your bra inside this two part contraption, throw it in the wash with the rest of your soiled garments, and lay flat to dry. What more could you ask for? I found that using the Bra Baby not only makes my life easier, but it really extends the life of my bras, keeping them pristine and in great shape.

#2 Proactiv
I haven't used Proactiv since high school, but recently my face wash has been leaving behind a film and just wasn't doing the trick. I saw the TV commercial for Proactiv offering the free travel kit with purchase, so I signed back up. (Who doesn't love "free gifts"? Crazy people. That's who.)

My first shipment arrived Friday and my skin already feels one hundred times smoother, softer, and clearer. Why did I ever leave this stuff behind?! Blasphemy! Even if your skin is pretty clear, this is a great line of products for your every day routine. Click here to get the same special offer as me.

#3 Save the Last Dance Soundtrack
Do I really need to explain this? It's THE BEST SOUNDTRACK EVER. Seriously. If you ever feel like shaking your booty, this is the music to do it to.


My favorite part of listening to this soundtrack is reenacting the final audition scene of the film to Athena Cage's "All Or Nothing." You really can't say you've lived until you try it.

Now tell me some things that will change my life!

XO

Momma doesn't need a new pair of shoes

Twice a year I like to celebrate the segue from fall/winter clothes to spring/summer clothes and vice versa by spending way too much money on new clothes, shoes, and accessories. Two weeks ago, I bought 3 pairs (THREE!) of sandals, spent one third of my monthly salary at Ann Taylor Loft--and as if that's not enough damage to my checking account--I also bought this: It's a Vera Bradley bag from the Limited Edition Vintage Rose Collection. Close up of the fabric: I'm really not even a Vera Bradley type of person--I do already own one of her bags that has since been retired, but I received it as a gift. And I have only used it a handful of times. (As a toiletry bag when I travel... gasp. Sorry if I'm offending any Vera Bradley die-hards. She's just not usually my style.) Anyhow, my bags take a lot of abuse. Sometimes I stash them on the floor under my table at restaurants. Sometimes people spill beer in my brand new bags. On my birthday. (Don't ask.) This particular line of bags are made of a luxurious silky material. I just don't see how I'm going to keep a silk bag lookin' good. Come my next karaoke adventure, there is bound to be a Blue Moon spilled all over it. With that said, I find myself wearing a lot of black... and assuming it can survive my lifestyle, this bag could be a nice pop of color in my wardrobe. So now I ask myself, do I take it back? Or not? Making my decision even harder is the fact that I purchased this adorable matching wallet. I am such a sucker for a pretty wallet. What's a girl to do? My money is probably more wisely spent on a neutral bag that isn't made of such a wussy material. Now speak up.

Call me in six months...

My neurologist's office just called and said they want to follow up with my B12 levels in six months. Um... I WANT TO FEEL BETTER NOW. HOW BOUT WE FOLLOW UP NOW, BITCH?

Okay, sorry. I'm grumpy.

In other news, Andrew told me a few nights ago that when we first started dating he actually thought I wore a diaper. Something about him giving me a playful smack on the tush and hearing/feeling "a smooshy diaper."

Hey men, there's this feminine hygiene product out there. I think it is called "a pad." Check 'em out before your assume your girlfriend soils herself.

Thanks for tuning in!

Dear Doctor, Fix Me.

Well, here's an interesting twist in the plot. After consulting with a neurologist for a second opinion on my narcolepsy diagnosis--it has been determined that I DO NOT have narcolepsy. Apparently, the sleep disorder specialist who originally told me I have the disorder was an asshole very quick to jump to conclusions without properly analyzing my sleep study results.

Long story short, the neurologist told me he thought I could have M.S. or a seizure disorder. Wow! Just the kind of thing you want to hear from a doctor. Not. After some tests, he told me I am "neurologically perfect." So that's a big sigh of relief, but that still leaves the question--What The Hell Is Wrong With Me? All I feel like doing is sleeping, and it literally hurts to think. My brain feels like it is covered in fog--making it impossible to concentrate on anything. I am so ready to feel NORMAL! Someone fix me!

After consulting my blood test results, my neurologist decided it was very possible that I have a Vitamin B12 deficiency. It is extremely rare for someone to be deficient in B12 because the liver can store up to 3-years worth of the vitamin. (Side note: vegans and vegetarians have to take a supplement to get the vitamin.)

Because of the rarity of the disorder, it is grossly under-diagnosed. It isn't even on doctors' radar most of the time because medical school usually spends about 2 minutes discussing the deficiency and its symptoms.

What are the symptoms? According to Wikipedia: Early and even fairly pronounced deficiency does not always cause distinct or specific symptoms. Common early symptoms are tiredness or a decreased mental work capacity, decreased concentration and decreased memory, irritability and depression. Sleep disturbances may occur, because B12 may be involved in the regulation of the sleep wake cycle by the pineal gland (through melatonin).

Um, sounds disturbingly familiar. Could it be that I've finally discovered what is making me so miserable? Please!

My neurologist ordered a second round of bloodwork to confirm his theory, as my initial B12 level was 300. A "normal" B12 level is between 200-1100 according to most labs. But the neurologist said the numbers don't always tell the whole story and it is still very possible that I am in fact deficient. (This is probably why it has gone undetected so long--my numbers are, though on the low side, within the normal limits for the vitamin.) Doctors who realize my symptoms line up perfectly with this diagnosis (my neuroloigst!) are smart enough to see past some silly numbers and take a closer look.

My neurologist had the blood test results sent to both his office and my family doctor's office--as I'll be following up with my family doctor to receive monthly B12 injections if a deficiency is confirmed.

Here's where the frustration comes in to play. After a second round of blood tests to determine whether I am truly B12 deficient, my family doctor has concluded that I am "normal." What ever happened to the numbers not telling the whole story? I am still waiting to hear my neurologist's analysis of the new blood work, but I'm really ready to break down and cry. When will I have energy again? When will I be able to think clearly again? :(

UPDATE: NEUROLOGIST'S OFFICE JUST CALLED. THEY SAID MY RESULTS WERE NORMAL. SERIOUSLY. WTF?

Answers Part III

Here's the third and final installment of answers to your questions. You can find Part I and Part II here and here. What's the most embarrassing thing I've ever done? I don't know if this is "the most" embarrassing thing I've done, but I can tell you it definitely sticks out in my mind as one of those cringe-worthy moments of my life. First, I'll preface this by saying I've never been the athletic type. Sure, I hung with the boys growing up--playing soccer and wiffleball in the backyard. But did I ever have coordination? Hell no. Anyhow, in junior high school we had to complete an obstacle course in gym class. Probably semi-paralyzed by my fear of climbing a rope, I wasn't paying attention as I hurtled over a hockey stick perched on two orange traffic cones. My toes caught the stick, and I landed on my face. My embarrassment was amplified by a bitchy classmate yelling, "WHAT AN ATHLETE!" Don't worry, though. Karma won when we showed up to our senior prom wearing the same exact prom gown. She was furious. I couldn't have been more delighted. :D Where did my love for cats in funny hats come from? I stumbled across my first cat in a funny hat in college on the Internet while procrastinating studying for an econ exam. It was love at first sight. Do you have a good ginger snaps recipe? Yes. Step 1: Drive to Trader Joe's. Step 2: Purchase Triple Ginger Snaps. 3. Eat them. Favorite color? I've never had a favorite color. (I was a weird kid.) But I find myself wearing lots of greens, purples, and browns. Best book I've read so far this year? I've actually only finished two books so far this year... the first two Twilight books. Out of the two, I think I enjoyed the first one more. Currently reading Eclipse. My typical order at Starbucks? Cafe Mocha has been my drink of choice as of late. But come Christmas time, I'm a Gingerbread/Gingersnap latte fan. Favorite vacation destination? (real or hypothetical) This is a tough one because one thing I regret most about my life thus far is how little I've traveled. I'd like to go to Hawaii, California, Mexico, Italy, England, and France before I die. Me thinks I need a passport. Favorite breakfast food(s)? Every morning at work, I nom some apple cinnamon oatmeal. But on the weekends, I live for brunch. I've been known to order chocolate banana pancakes, pumpkin pancakes, blueberry pancakes, french toast, and of course, bacon. Also doughnuts and cinnamon buns are heavenly. (I'm a very healthy eater, obviously.) My favorite 80's hair band? Um... I never really thought about this before, but I'm going to say Guns n’ Roses. That's alllllllll folks!

I'm going to beat that groundhog to a pulp

Just kidding PETA... heh... NO BUT SERIOUSLY! I thought it was supposed to be spring now? We've "sprung ahead" with our clocks and all that jazz and busted out our spring wardrobes... so what gives? I'm sporting my winter coat for the second day in a row since our 70 degree weekend. Sad face.

Speaking of beating up animals... did you see this? Are you going to click on that link or what!? No!? Fine. I don't care if you read about ninja kangaroos or not. I'm just trying to help.

(Sorry, I'm a little grumpy today.)

In other news... have you watched episode three of Cooking Thyme With Andrew?

No? You didn't? Why not!? Just kidding. I don't care.

Get off my lawn!

Snap Snap: A Friday Spoken Word Performance

Okay, not exactly "spoken" but if you read this aloud, I'm sure your coworkers will swoon with delight.

A Poem By Andrew (received via e-mail at 10:15 a.m. Friday)

I heart you, it's true
More than new shoes
Or nothing to do
Or a trip to the zoo.

You're very fine
Like gross French boxed wine
Or a theme park with no lines
Or a pet walrus that's mine.

I like you.

snap snap

Make your own sunshine

This morning at work, I was devastated to learn that my office window will soon be 90 percent obstructed by a nine-story building--to be completed by Fall 2010.

This news came on the coat-tails of yesterday's announcement that there will be no raises this year. Salary freeze now in effect. Grrreeaat.

Yesterday, I managed to keep my sunny outlook--"At least there have been no layoffs," I reasoned with myself. "It's not like that 2.5 percent goes very far... right? Not a big deal." I found myself being the cheerleader for others around me. "At least there's no layoffs!" I reminded them. "You are too right," they nodded affirmingly.

But today, the news of the soon-to-be-construction outside of my window and permanently sunless sky was enough to send me into a major funk. I actually felt like crying. My precious view! How I will miss thee!

This is exactly what I needed to pull myself back into reality. Yeah, so I won't be able to watch the snow coat the street below me in silent beauty. I won't be able to watch spring bloom around me from the comfort of my office. But um. Hello? This young woman needs a new kidney for crying out loud! As though a heart transplant wasn't enough for one lifetime, she finds herself needing another transplant due to the stress the anti-rejection drugs have had on her body.

Please take a minute to visit this site and meet Jess. If you can spare some cash, make a donation. If not, you can still help by passing this message along.

In a little more than a year, my office will be pretty dark. So I've decided it's up to me to make my own sunshine. Donating to this cause is an excellent way to start.



Grab my badge, created by my lovely friend Dwight, if you want to make your own sunshine too!

Hooked again (Sorry for the lame pun)

I'm giving crochet another go. My awesomely talented crafty friend Kristen was in town this weekend. While here, she helped me fix the giant mess I made of the afghan I started crocheting last winter. We ripped out about 2 hours' worth of work (in addition to the approximately ten hours' worth of crochet I ripped out last winter when I started to notice my rectangular blanket was actually more of a triangle. Sigh.)

I also just started the third book in the Twilight Series. I'm still not sure if I actually enjoy reading these books or if I'm just too curious to see how it ends to stop.

Either way, touche Ms. Meyer. Touche.

I'm planning on being rather scarce this week in light of my reinvigorated desire to finish this damn afghan. Wish me luck.

xo