Hairs belong on scalps. ONLY.

My tummy rumbled and I couldn't bear the thought of eating Quiznos again. I mean, I like Quiznos as much as the next person, but I need a little variety here. Desperate for something different, I headed to the new vegan cafe less than a block from my office. Faced with a hot food bar and a salad bar, I had no clue what to choose. I saw no olives on the salad bar--and since olives are really my only motivation for eating salads, I searched the hot food bar for something yummy looking. I have to be honest. The pickings were slim. Everything looked bland. Everything except the curried chick peas and sweet potatoes. Yes, please! The hot food bar is $13 per pound? Um... huh? Ok... well... just give me a few scoops and some rice and send me on my way. Add a juice box. $9. For real? Ok. Here. Thanks.

I headed out to the patio, which has brand new tables with umbrellas. (Not gonna lie. Those umbrellas were my real motivation for trying this vegan joint. Hey, I'm a carnivore.)

I opened the box, ready to put this organic goodness in my mouth. Wait. Where did it go? I swear to you, my $9 gave me about half a cup of curried slop and a few dozen grains of rice. I was all like, "HUH?"

Well, I already paid for it. Now I know to stay away from the $13/pound hot food bar next time, I reasoned with myself. Just eat your meager meal and get on with it. We have library books to return, missy. (Yes, I talk to myself.)

Oh, wait. Oh -- hell no. What is this. A HAIR?! Are you kidding me? I just paid $9 for a spoonful of slop and a freaking hair?

I paused a moment to talk myself out of puking all over the patio. I do not do well with mystery hairs in my food.

I plucked the hair out of the gruel. (Don't ask me why I felt the need to touch it. I was hungry and not thinking clearly.)

Rushing to the trash can, I threw my hairy $9 in the trash and walked away starving and disgusted... sipping on my juice box.