What do you mean I have critters in my head, Mom?

We sat on the big round shaggy brown rug, singing about grey squirrels waving their bushy tails, farmers in the dell, and a particularly frightening song about an old woman who swallowed a fly. I sat between the smelly kid and the only kindergartener who thought himself to be Romeo. Times were tough in Miss Wilkie's A.M. Kindergarten.

My cascading brown hair barely swept the rug as I later sat in the same place for story time and show and tell.

The school nurse appeared in the doorway and asked to speak with Miss Wilkie in the hallway. Soon after, the entire classroom was sent to the nurse's office. We stood in line excitedly waiting to have the nurse go through our hair with chop-sticks. "How weird!" we all giggled.

One by one my tiny peers were led back up to the classroom.

"Amanda, your mom is coming to pick you up," the nurse explained softly.

I burst into tears. Why wasn't I allowed to join my friends upstairs? Why wasn't I allowed to make puppets out of lunch bags?

My mom arrived at the school a few minutes later. I ran to her crying, "I don't want to go home, mommy!" I begged her to let me stay and return to my "studies".

The rest of the day was spent quarantined in my pink bedroom while my mom washed all the stuffed animals, pieces of clothing, and bedding that I owned. Crying bloody-murder when she threw away all of my barretts and hair bows, I asked why she was doing this to me.

"Honey, you have some critters in your head."

"Critters?" I asked between sobs.

"Yes. Just some critters."

Later, my whole family was shampooed with a special critter-killing formula.

In time I got some new barrettes and went back to school--blaming the critters on the smelly kid.


Now, had I known the critter she spoke of looked more like this...




Rather than, oh say... this...



I might have had bigger concerns than my big floppy pink hair accessory being tossed in the garbage.


I'm not sure these toys are such a good idea... and why is Herpes smiling? What message are we sending here?

(Found these funny plushes on Rae's blog. Check it out.)